Moan for me like Helen Keller
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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