is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
