I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
