I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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