Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
