This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
