On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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