nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
