After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
