But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
