I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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