she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
