I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
