i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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