Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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