If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
