I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
