i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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