Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A+ Viking dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
