My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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