I got chris browned last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
