it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
