My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
