you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
