My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
