fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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