Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wow bdsm is so cute
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
