we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
