Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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