Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
