ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
