I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
