so that wasnt chicken after all
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
