do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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