I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
