With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
