my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
