I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
