I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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