On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i out mim tonsoeep
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