omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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