dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
