The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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