They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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