i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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