Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
