That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
