you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
