Your tits are I can't wait for
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
