I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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