Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
