I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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