uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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