Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
