im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
